Two of the scariest words in the English language when put together regarding relationships, dreams or desires is it’s complicated. In harsh reality we hide behind “it’s complicated” instead of saying the real flimsy excuse in which we are ashamed, and correctly suspect we would immediately be called out for. Instead of saying I refuse to leave her/his lying cheating butt because (I think he’ll change, I still love him, I don’t want to re-enter the dating world, I have a lot of my stuff at his apartment…etc) we word vomit it’s complicated. Instead of saying I won’t travel because (I’m scared of leaving my known little world, I don’t want to fail, etc) we hide behind money or it’s complicated as our inarguable excuse.
The fact is, life is complicated, the definition itself for complicated is “consisting of many interconnecting parts or elements; intricate” if that doesn’t describe life as a whole I don’t know what does. Life consists of family, love, relationships, religious beliefs for many, societal norms and beliefs, finances, dreams and desires–in other words intricate as fuck. So in truth, when having to juggle all these elements you will let one or two fall every once in a while, it is just a fact; I can promise you, even the most put together person you are thinking of as an example for that not to be true, has a ball or two on the ground now, it just isn’t visible to you.
This is why knowing your priorities is vital. The better you can lay out what matters the most to you, and the more organized you can make those priorities–the less complications you will have; until you master this and then may find you have none. There is a saying, especially true for us blessed enough to be in first world countries “you can have it all..” I have a very strong love/hate relationship with this saying. Yes we are lucky enough to have it all, but somewhere a long the way that got confused with “you must have it all” and this is just not true, nor should it be. You should be the focus of your own “all”. In other words what matters the most to you, to have a good life? a successful life in your eyes? a happy life? For some that will be the job that makes them rich, for some that means maybe a blue collar existence and a huge family to come home to every-night. Your own “all” shouldn’t include everyone else’s elements. Prioritize what matters in life to you, and then work on that, and you will find you have a lot less complications. If the job is the priority, work on that and don’t worry over “love”, if love is the priority come up with a plan to achieve the best success possible there, and let money take a back burner (however live within your means now).
Take a moment to note here that at some point in time your priorities will change, as this happens you must evolve with them. There is nothing wrong in life with this, it just means you have hit a different stage in life. When your younger you may be focused on working towards financial comfort and work 90+ hour work weeks, but as you have children, you may be more focused on wanting a job with more work/life balance–work with your partner to come up with good plans of action to achieve this new priority/desire. When you refuse to let go of old priorities, or re-arrange them you will find complications all of a sudden arise. Another rise of complications is caused by the “keeping up with the Jones'” mentality. As I mentioned earlier, every individual is unique, what matters to your neighbor might be flash and pizzazz and while they seem rich, they maybe drowning in debt and okay with that, while you may have a Honda instead of a Porsche, you can rest easy knowing your kids college fund is well stocked. Never focus on comparing yourself with others to find happiness, or your “all”, it will only lead to complications and disharmony.
If you ever find yourself thinking it is all too much, and need help creating an action plan or realizing your true potential and priorities let me know, I have worksheets, tools, and pas history to help you settle into a comfortable life, no matter where you are in life.